Rooted in Liberation: The Core Principles of My Approach to Sex and Relationships

We live in a world where sex and relationships are often commodified, disconnected, and entangled with harmful norms. From the unrealistic standards peddled by social media to the pervasive narrative of “your body, my choice”, our intimate lives are shaped by forces that often prioritize profit and power over genuine connection and well-being. This has led to a culture of shame, dissatisfaction, and a fundamental misunderstanding of what it means to experience true intimacy. It's time for a radical shift—a return to a framework that centers liberation, equity, and joy in our sexual and relational experiences.

My approach offers a path towards this transformation, grounded in four core principles: abolition, embodiment, social and environmental justice, and radical inclusivity. I believe that true sexual liberation and fulfilling relationships are impossible without addressing the systemic injustices that shape our bodies, desires, and connections. By dismantling oppressive structures, reclaiming our bodily autonomy, recognizing the interconnectedness of our struggles, and embracing the full spectrum of human experience, we can cultivate intimate lives that are truly free, fulfilling, and liberatory.

Only by embracing the interconnected principles of abolition, embodiment, social and environmental justice, and radical inclusivity can we dismantle the harmful systems that constrain our intimate lives and cultivate a culture of authentic connection, pleasure, and sexual liberation for all.

The Problem: Systems of Oppression in Intimacy

The intimate sphere, far from being a private sanctuary, is deeply intertwined with and impacted by systems of oppression that permeate our society. Racism, sexism, homophobia, ableism, and capitalism, among others, infiltrate our bedrooms and relationships, shaping our desires, limiting our choices, and creating profound harm. These systems dictate who is deemed desirable, what forms of intimacy are considered acceptable, and whose experiences are valued and validated. For instance, unrealistic beauty standards perpetuated by social media overwhelmingly favors Eurocentric features and able-bodied ideals, creating a hierarchy of desirability that marginalizes and shames those who don't fit the mold, leading to internalized self-hatred and a diminished sense of sexual worth. 

The cultural zeitgeist continues to foster homophobia and transphobia to police expressions of gender and sexuality, leading to violence, discrimination, and the denial of basic rights for LGBTQIA+ individuals. These systems manifest in the lack of comprehensive sex education, the pathologizing of non-heteronormative identities, and the persistent threat of physical and emotional harm faced by queer and trans communities. Capitalism, too, plays a significant role, transforming intimacy into a commodity to be bought and sold. This is evident in the proliferation of dating apps that prioritize superficial metrics and the commodification of sex work, often at the expense of the safety and well-being of those involved. The result is a culture where intimacy is often transactional, fleeting, and devoid of genuine connection.

The consequences of these intersecting oppressions are devastating. They fuel body shaming, contribute to a culture of sexual violence, restrict access to reproductive healthcare, and perpetuate a narrow and often harmful understanding of pleasure. It's crucial to recognize that individual solutions, such as self-love or "better communication," are insufficient to dismantle these deeply entrenched systems. We cannot simply "positive vibe" our way out of systemic oppression. Addressing the root causes requires a collective and sustained effort to challenge the norms, policies, and institutions that perpetuate inequality in all its forms, including within our most intimate relationships. Only by acknowledging the profound impact of these systems can we begin to envision and build a future where intimacy is truly liberatory.

The Solution: Abolition as a Framework for Intimacy

Abolition, within the realm of sex and relationships, offers a radical and necessary framework for liberation. It goes far beyond the commonly understood context of dismantling the prison industrial complex and extends to dismantling all systems of oppression that confine, control, and harm our bodies, desires, and relationships. An abolitionist framework in this context means actively working to dismantle the societal structures that dictate who can experience pleasure, how they can experience it, and with whom. It's about challenging the norms that uphold heteronormativity, monogamy as the default, and the gender binary as rigid and immutable. Applying an abolitionist lens allows us to deconstruct harmful norms and power dynamics that are deeply ingrained in our understanding of intimacy. We begin to question why certain bodies are deemed more desirable, why certain forms of intimacy are prioritized, and why power imbalances often dictate the terms of our relationships. This critical lens empowers us to center consent, agency, and bodily autonomy as foundational principles. Consent becomes not just the absence of "no," but an enthusiastic, ongoing, and freely given "yes," recognizing that power dynamics can inherently influence consent. An abolitionist approach also fosters the creation of space for diverse expressions of sexuality and relationships. It allows us to imagine and build relationships that are not confined by societal expectations, embracing polyamory, non-traditional family structures, and a spectrum of sexual identities and expressions without judgment or stigma. Finally, an abolitionist perspective encourages us to move beyond individual blame and focus on collective liberation. Instead of solely focusing on individual "bad actors," we recognize that harmful behaviors are often products of larger systems of oppression. By addressing the systemic roots of harm, we can create a world where intimacy is truly a source of joy, healing, and liberation for everyone, not just a privileged few. This means focusing on transformative justice and community accountability rather than solely relying on punitive measures.

The Power of the Body: Embodiment as Resistance

Embodiment, the practice of being fully present and connected with our physical selves, is a vital pathway to healing and liberation, particularly in a world that often encourages dissociation from our bodies. Our bodies are not merely vessels; they are living archives that hold the imprints of trauma, internalized oppression, and societal conditioning. These experiences, often stemming from the systems of oppression we navigate, can manifest as chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and a disconnect from our own desires and needs. Therefore, consciously reclaiming our bodies is an act of resistance. Embodied practices, such as mindfulness, movement, and breathwork, offer powerful tools to navigate this internal landscape. Mindfulness, for example, helps us cultivate awareness of our bodily sensations without judgment, allowing us to identify and process emotions that may be trapped within. Movement practices, like dance or yoga, can help release stored tension, increase body awareness, and challenge the internalized belief that our bodies are objects to be judged rather than sources of pleasure and power. Breathwork techniques can regulate the nervous system, reducing the impact of stress and anxiety, allowing for greater emotional regulation. By engaging in these practices, we can begin to reconnect with our bodies and desires on our own terms, rather than through the distorted lens of societal expectations. Embodiment empowers us to challenge the internalized shame and negative self-talk that often accompany experiences of oppression. We learn to listen to the wisdom of our bodies, honoring their needs and boundaries. This process fosters greater self-awareness and emotional regulation, enabling us to navigate difficult emotions and experiences with more resilience. Ultimately, embodiment strengthens our capacity to resist oppressive conditioning. By cultivating a deep connection with ourselves, we are less susceptible to external pressures that seek to control and define us. We become empowered to reclaim our bodies as sources of strength, pleasure, and wisdom, fostering a sense of wholeness and agency that is essential for individual and collective liberation.

Rooted in Justice: Social and Environmental Consciousness

True sexual liberation is inextricably linked to social and environmental justice. We cannot claim to be truly free in our bodies if we are simultaneously contributing to the destruction of the planet or upholding systems that marginalize and oppress others. The pursuit of individual pleasure without considering its broader context is a limited and ultimately unsustainable vision. For example, the same extractive and exploitative mindset that fuels environmental degradation often underlies the objectification and commodification of bodies in our culture. Recognizing that our bodies are part of an interconnected web of life requires us to acknowledge that we cannot be truly free in our bodies if we are destroying the planet or upholding systems that marginalize others. This interconnectedness demands a holistic approach to liberation, one that recognizes the inherent dignity and worth of all beings and the planet we inhabit.

My offerings are designed to reflect this commitment to a justice-rooted approach to sexual liberation by prioritizing inclusivity, accessibility, and environmental awareness. Inclusivity is at the heart of this work, meaning that I strive to create spaces where all bodies, identities, and relationship styles are not only welcomed but celebrated. This involves actively dismantling heteronormative, cisnormative, ableist, and racist assumptions in my language, materials, and practices. It also means centering the experiences of marginalized voices and ensuring that my work is relevant and empowering. Accessibility is another crucial element, as I believe that this work should be available to everyone, regardless of our socioeconomic status or background. This is implemented by offering sliding-scale pricing, scholarships, and free resources to ensure that financial barriers do not prevent individuals from accessing support and guidance. Furthermore, I am committed to partnering with organizations that serve marginalized communities to make this work even more accessible. Finally, environmental awareness is integrated into my offerings by considering the ecological impact of our choices. This means promoting sustainable practices in our intimate lives, such as choosing ethically sourced and eco-friendly products, and encouraging a mindful approach to consumption. It also involves acknowledging the impact of climate change on marginalized communities, who are often disproportionately affected by environmental disasters and resource scarcity. By integrating these principles of social and environmental justice, I strive to create a framework for sexual liberation that is not only personally transformative but also contributes to a more just and sustainable world for all.

Connection and Depth

This framework, rooted in abolition, embodiment, and justice, ultimately cultivates profound connection and depth, both within ourselves and in our relationships with others. By dismantling oppressive systems and embracing our bodies as sources of wisdom and pleasure, we pave the way for more authentic and fulfilling intimacy. When we are freed from the constraints of societal expectations and internalized shame, we can truly connect with our desires and communicate them honestly with our partners. This creates space for vulnerability, trust, and a deeper understanding of one another's needs. This framework fosters depth in all aspects of intimacy by encouraging us to move beyond superficial notions of sex and relationships. It challenges us to explore the emotional, spiritual, and even political dimensions of our connections. We begin to see intimacy not just as a physical act, but as a powerful force for healing, growth, and social change. We learn to appreciate the complexities of human connection and to approach our relationships with intention and care.

These particular aspects, connection and depth, are not merely desirable outcomes; they are vital for creating the world we want to see. A world characterized by justice, equity, and liberation requires us to build relationships based on mutual respect, empathy, and a shared commitment to dismantling oppression. When we cultivate deep connections with ourselves and others, we strengthen our capacity for collective action and create communities that can resist oppression and build a more just and sustainable future. The intimacy we cultivate in our personal lives ripples outwards, shaping the way we interact with the world around us.

This integrated approach to sex and relationships, one that weaves together abolition, embodiment, social and environmental justice, connection, and depth, is not just a personal journey; it is a collective imperative. It is a radical reimagining of what intimacy can be when it is freed from the shackles of oppression. It is a call to action to build a world where our bodies are honored, our desires are celebrated, and our relationships are sources of profound joy and liberation. I invite you to join this growing community, to explore the courses and resources offered, and to engage in this vital work of collective liberation. Let us work together to dismantle harmful systems, heal from the wounds of the past, and reclaim our bodies and relationships as spaces of radical love and possibility. Together, we can create a world where sex and relationships are sources of joy, healing, and liberation for all.